Chuck Norris makes onions cry. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares it to grow.
I've always gotten a kick (subtle pun intended) out of a good Chuck Norris joke, or, as they're more commonly called, the Chuck Norris "facts" about the toughness of the 73-year-old "Walker, Texas Ranger" actor, star of more than 20 movies, and a North Texas resident.
So when I met his attorney, Michael Forshey of law firm Patton Boggs, I had to ask what the martial-arts master thinks about them.
Forshey, who recently was named managing partner for Patton Boggs' Dallas office, has worked with Norris for almost 18 years.
"We do a lot in the space of infringement for him," Forshey said. "As you might expect, his name, image, likeness is something that everybody seems to want to have whether they have rights to it or not."
So, what about those Chuck Norris facts, I inquired.
"Other than the fact that he would prefer not to see some of these 'facts' that are a little rough or raunchy, he's very good natured about it," Forshey said.
"There's nothing legally wrong with those ('facts'), but as an interesting aside, we do have a federally registered trademark in Mr. Norris' name. The use of his name alone can be infringement.
"He's a great guy" Forshey adds, "and he's really flattered by the younger generation who discovered him through the 'facts.' My generation grew up with him in all the action movies."
Which brings me to my favorite Chuck Norris fact:
Superman and Chuck Norris once bet on an arm wrestling match. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his clothes.