 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
The Further Adventures of Mark DiscordiaBack in the late eighties, a man wrote in to Nintendo Power to tell them all about the score he got in video games the magazine might have heard of. And history was made. Ridiculous, dumbass history. Years later, I found the magazine at the bottom of a closet, called him a fuckhead, and made him the poster idiot for a feature called Dear Nintendo: My Life is a God Damn Mess. One of the site's readers tracked him down and sent him an email. His name will be hidden to keep him safe from Mark, his insanity, and his Nintendo. Get ready for an exclusive behind-the-scenes look inside the mind of A PLUMBER WHO ENJOYS NINTENDO: Mystery Reader: Are you the same Mark Discordia who wrote to Nintendo Power in the mid 1980s? Mark Discordia: yes I am , how did you get in touch with me? Mystery Reader: I was looking at the NES page on seanbaby.com, and I saw your old letter in the section where Sean makes fun of people who have been in Nintendo power. Then I got to thinking, "I wonder where these people are now?" Mark Discordia: Hey you know what's funny , he makes fun like people don't have a life if they beat alot of games and such ,but 1st Iam a plumber making $32.75 per hour plus bennys and then Iam still playing out in a duo now and I am still getting laid ever other weekend , by a different girl ,and still find time to play video games and all along Iam still doing lots of drugs ,man my life is really boring ,he is doing a web site know that's exciting ,what a loser Over the years, I've gotten a lot of stupid letters, and they've taught me a lot of stupid things. Here's something you might be able to use: If you call someone a dork and they decide to respond by listing the hobbies they wish they had in common with the characters from a Teen Wolf movie, you didn't choose your name-calling strongly enough. They have serious problems. If in addition to that, they look like this...  ..they have serious fucking problems. Mark's letter was a gold mine. He actually typed "getting laid ever other weekend , by a different girl,and still find time to play video games." That alone was going to give me a steady source of material for the next two years. But I wanted more. I got Mark's email address from Mystery Reader and sent my own letter to him asking what he was up to after his public humiliation in the eighties. In his response, he made it clear he was trying to get back back into that world of public humiliation. Here it is (I preserved Mark's unique approach to spelling and comma placement by mandate of the Moron Preservation League):
I love your web site , at work I bust ass all day long if you can't take a joke then get out right, if you can't laugh at yourself then your not human. I am still playing video games more computer stuff, still playing in a band and getting laid every other weekend ,and still doing drugs oh well I mean only when Iam playing bass because you still need all your wits when your going up against those monsters, I only said that to kids under 15 years old that use to ask ? on games ,I try to be a good roll model you know what I mean. I done more drugs then you' ve seen .and Iam still here to talk about it. anyway I guess my life is still boring , I make $30.00 per hour plumbing , still play bass guitar in a band , do drugs , and still play video games ,man I got to get a real life, I want to be a geek NOT. I use to test out Jap games before they came over here ,I hooked up with a guy who saw my name in the Power mag. he worked for Hudson Soft in Japan ,he was from NY and had got a job over there that was pretty neat playing Mario even before it came out was kind of cool any way I can keep talking on and on maybe its from the 8 ball I just did , anyway take care and keep up the good work, also there was a nice chick that saw me in that power mag called me, we hooked up and played with my joystick .yea seanbaby take care With the invention of the Internet, anyone can appear to be any kind of person he or she wants. It's how I've managed to have email sex with 17 different Claudia Schiffers, and it's how Mark can roleplay a new life for himself every time he's talking to strangers. You might recognize his made up life from the regular real life of every college freshman student that's ever lived. Only it's not fooling anyone. I'm sure when he's at home playing Dungeons and Dragons, he plays a very convincing elven space magician, but his email persona of the party-animal chick-hound act has more holes than a necrophiliac's victim in a Japanese movie. To address the drug references Mark impressed us all with in paragraphs one, two, and three-- living life in the fast lane does include drugs. I should know, because I saw that on the same VH1 Behind the Music specials Mark obviously has. But when those people indulge in their trendy drug habits, they do it at extravagant parties with Charlie Sheen and whatever hookers Charlie Sheen is done with. Mark's drug habit is him taking drugs, and then sitting down to email someone who calls him names. And here's the saddest part: he made up the part about the drugs. Continue to Part 2 -> |
|
